Plans – Wrestling with What Is and What Isn’t

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11

No, I’m not dead. I’m very much still here, actually.

I’m still dancing, and that’s not going too bad for me.

I’m still studying health science in my spare time for fun, still exercising and dieting, and still dating the same wonderful woman I have been for what will be coming up to two years now. If I count all those things, I should be feeling blessed. I should be feeling like I’m more than content, but happy, and not needing of assistance from people.

But in all reality, I’m actually struggling.

Continue reading “Plans – Wrestling with What Is and What Isn’t”

Anxiety Pains – Pain in the Heart, Pain in the Body

Anxiety is a real obnoxious thing, am I right?

Everything gets worse when your mind is clouded with anxiety. Time starts to slow down—and not in the cool way, like when you’re making that last second three point shot, or kissing your significant other for the first time—it slows down in a way where everything awful goes on forever. Your mood swings immediately from happy-go-lucky to a nervous wreck. You get the shakes, and a tendency to start freaking out a bit.

Yeah, anxiety is a real pain.

But it’s not just a pain mentally—actually, anxiety can hurt a lot physically. That’s right. Anxiety can very literally hurt.

Continue reading “Anxiety Pains – Pain in the Heart, Pain in the Body”

Overthink – Poetry

Morning.

Another day begins afresh;
The sun’s bright rays beating down my neck
The snow settles; melts into the earth
All the while my mind starts racing to conclusions first

Am I liked? Am I hated? Why do I feel isolated?
Where’s the love from last week? Why do aspirations feel bleak?
If I do this–will it work out fine? Can it get done, finished by my exact timeline?
When I try to succeed will I ever finish first? Am I relegated to forever second place or worse?

That time I said that thing, did it hurt their heart? Was it a stab wound from my sword or an old scab picked apart?
Am I too pushy, too prideful, too living in vain? Too close to the sun, Icarus falling to the sea in shame?
Am I learning my lessons, taking the narrowest road with a smile?
Or am I too complacent to the world trying to take the widest mile?

Have I loved enough to others? Given compassion to every soul?
Am I following the trap of “comfy”, and missing the point of the whole?
Is it me reaching out or really me retreating in?
Am I neglecting opportunities and being selfish from within?

So many questions spring up
But I can’t get a single, solid answer.
I guess too much time on my hands
Sometimes is my mind’s own cancer.

Written by: Michael “Bboy Roach1” Roach