As I wrote in my last post, life has admittedly come at me tough.
I’ve had my ups and downs, and to be completely transparent, still to this day wrestle with my inner demons. Am I confident today? Will I make it to my goals? Are my goals still my goals? Am I staying true to God’s path for me? Is it okay to give up? Am I a failure?
All perfectly normal questions that we might ask ourselves in times of duress. Let’s face it, when your back is to the wall, you have either two options: fight, or flight, and in either of those options your mind still wants to hypothesize; it still wants to try to guess the end result. There’s something that is worth embracing in these moments though, and it’s often tough to think about when haymakers are being thrown at your face every second:
“Not never, later.”
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11
No, I’m not dead. I’m very much still here, actually.
I’m still dancing, and that’s not going too bad for me.
I’m still studying health science in my spare time for fun, still exercising and dieting, and still dating the same wonderful woman I have been for what will be coming up to two years now. If I count all those things, I should be feeling blessed. I should be feeling like I’m more than content, but happy, and not needing of assistance from people.
But in all reality, I’m actually struggling.
What’s up? I’ve been noticing some things have been changing lately.
Am I right? Things seem to be heading in a different direction for you—slowly, sure, but they are. You feel happier, even if it’s a tad. There are some positives that you’re taking away in your day-to-day activities. You’re finding more excuses to smile every once and a while. Heck, sometimes nothing extraordinary happens and you just look up to the sky and say, “Thanks, Jesus.” That’s great.
I want you to know I’ve been noticing, and I couldn’t be more proud of you. Really, I know, sometimes we don’t say that enough in our lives—that we’re legitimately proud of someone. Let alone that someone being you. But I am. We all are.
You’ve remained trusting. You’ve never given up on the goals that were laid out before you. You’ve soldiered on even when things were darkest and most bleak. When people said negative crap about you, you dared to say, “I love you, too”. Not only that, but you’ve grown more humble; you’ve gotten on your knees more, opened up more, cried out more, and been wholly content when everything was not-so-optimal. That takes a lot of heart, and a lot of faith.
Even with all the scars, they’re healing, and you’re finding ways to smile. That’s so admirable in its’ own right, because quite frankly the rest of us struggle with that.
God’s given you these blessings; these happy moments; these small blueberry slices of life. Because you’re not getting too haughty and you’re well aware of where and why they come. And that’s why we’re so proud. And I’m so proud. Because you’re truly letting transformation happen—growing and learning as the process exercises itself.
So keep on keeping on! Stay low to the ground to get as high as the sky. You’ve got a lot, a lot more work to do.
I’m proud of you for where you’ve been and where you’re going.
We all are.