I thought today I would do something a little different. I am a real believer in being transparent and being genuinely real to people. Sometimes that means they get offended or feel challenged, and most of the time it earns respect and shows how God has put it on my heart to invest in people. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you’ve done–I can guarantee you I will approach you the same as my mother or father. That means candid, upfront, unafraid and firmly rooted.
Everyday I write in a spiritual journal. It wasn’t until after my move back to the US that I feel I was meant to keep my feelings accounted for in tangible writing; genuinely I really enjoy it, too. The routine is pretty simple: coffee, read scripture and devotional, reflect, write.
So here is today’s. Here is a glimpse of what I think in the AM with God and my honest, real feelings. Can’t guarantee this will happen a lot, but I felt it a good change of pace.
Also please excuse the formatting as I wrote this on my tablet after journaling.
Dec 9th 11:08am
Strangely, in another turn of events, I woke up angry. Again. I don’t know why this keeps happening. I’m just more readily angered. Three years ago I got my Korean driver’s license on this very day.
In Korea I felt alone yet at peace. I felt slow to anger, slower to judge. I was so much more at peace there. It’s kind of sad looking back.
Now I’m angry more often. I’m quick to get upset. Or…more quick, anyway. God you have instilled in me patience and empathy, no doubt. I was lacking it before Korea. And I do feel it is harder to anger now than before I lived in Korea.
It’s just such a stark contrast here than there. It saddens me deep down. Sometimes I just want to bail. Move back. Start back where I left off.
But I know deep down You brought me here to be a light. To be a real representation of You in a time where “real” is a dying breed, and in a country that is fighting and faltering in itself.
God, I pray you give me courage. I see the blessings. I also see the mountain escalating. Continue loving and working in me.
Let me continue to fight for You. Let me love and rely on you in every situation.
Written by: Michael “Bboy Roach1” Roach